Tomorrow is D-Day

D-day is almost here. Tomorrow I have my post surgical appointment with Dr. Baskaya and his NP, then an appointment with my oncologist to get final pathology and treatment plan, and then another appointment with the radiation oncologist. Basically, we're spending the day at UW Hospital and Carbone Cancer Center.

Tomorrow is the day we finally get some answers. You better believe the cruise director of this bitch tumor has a sheet of graph paper full of questions on her clipboard.

I fear sleep tonight will be elusive. I'm anxious to get answers, but not scared about the answers. We already know that it is/was cancer. Of what else is there to be scared?

My type A personality is just ready to know the next phase of the battle plan. I'm ready to burn this bitch to the ground.

Fight like hell.

Neuro/Speech Rehab

Cleared! Barring any changes, I should not have to go to any other neuro/speech rehab appointments.

Now, c'mon eyeballs!

Fight like hell.

One Month

One month ago, N. and I celebrated our very first wedding anniversary. We spent the day on the couch, eating Pizza Pit, and watching the Lego movie [as I had started to show signs of a swollen brain].

While it was not as we hoped four our first anniversary, there's still no one else I'd have by my side.

We had no idea that the following day I would be admitted to the hospital or that 2 days later I would have somewhat emergency brain surgery.

We had the "in sickness and in health" part of our vows covered during our first year of dating. We're being tested again, but I know right where we'll be. #KandNAlways

He's the love of my life, my rock, my tall drink of water ;) ... my husband. I made the best decision of my life that very hot day that we said "I Do."

And I would do it again. Every day. Forever.

[all photos copyright Simple Soul Photographs 2015]

The Naughty C Word

The naughty c word... CANCER...

Part of me had accepted that the bitch tumor was likely cancer, based on how quickly she had grown back, but it was something that I had never really wanted to completely admit - not to myself, not to my N., not to our families, and not to the rest of the world. I think I knew, but that I didn't want to say it outloud. I would always correct people when they said that I had had cancer the first time ... because I didn't, we caught it before it turned into cancer.

My oncologist  [and all of us] suspected that it was a grade 4 cancerous tumor this time. She grew back so fast and hard that I had to have somewhat emergency brain surgery to relieve pressure. [See ETV surgery post] Dr. Baskaya's NP confirmed initial bitchtumor grading yesterday as a grade 4.

It is ironic to me that I had [have?] brain cancer, but the bitch tumor was dead and removed before we ever even knew that I had it. This just further vindicates our decision to do the #bigassbrainsurgery. Now, we just need to beat that bitch back into the hole whence she came so that she can never come back out.

I woke up this morning so rested and ready to fight. I have down shifted into a whole new warrior woman mode.

Onto Battle Plan - Phase 2 (Burn the Bitch to the Ground) ...

Fight like hell.

[@crumblyz is an amazing human!]

Warrior Woman

I'm feeling very feisty this morning - ready to battle. I slept like a rock. I feel energized.

Fight like hell.

Thank You

This will be the first of several "thank you" posts over the next few months.  N. and I are just amazed and so thankful that we have such caring family and friends. It is such a flood of love. I thought I was humbled after my benefit during the first round ... and this is even more...

I don't think that I will ever find the words to appropriately thank everyone for the prayers, well wishes, meals, support, etc. - especially for the support for my N. and our families while I was in surgery for 8 hours plus recovery.

For those of you that knew me before college, I defined myself as a writer. I was originally an international journalism major. [Luckily, I realized that I didn't want to be shot and that my career talents laid elsewhere.] So, for me not to be able to accurately express myself through the written word, it is frustrating. Believe me when I say thank you from the bottom of our hearts and that we would be there for you too. [though I hope you never have to endure anything of this caliber.]

Thank you. Merci. Gracias. Grazie.

Much love.

Fight like hell.

Packers

Well, Green Bay Packers, that wasn't so great, but I still love you 💛💚 - ‪#‎KJMeetARodg‬

Home

Good morning, everyone!

My first day back home went well, and I actually was able to sleep for 8 hours, which is impressive since I'm on a higher dose of the steroids again. I'm tapering off the devil drugs at least. 

It still feels a little surreal that this is all happening again - also that I just had an 8 hour brain surgery, I'm the same KJ, and am already home. My neurosurgeon was so impressed with how well I was doing (and how much of the bitch tumor he was able to safely remove), that he moved me to neuro general care after 2 nights in the neuro ICU, and discharged me after 1 night in neuro general care. I was supposed to be in the hospital minimally 5 days. Apparently I'm a champ, heh. 

I have to say that I got quite the compliment yesterday. A friend of ours is an ex-Green Beret sniper 1 (sniper instructor). He told me that I was a badass and that he'd take me into battle any day for how brave I've been, which is quite the compliment coming from him. He's done the stuff that they make movies about.

Ever the craft nerd, I had my mom bring a card that I had previously made so that I could give it to my neurosurgeon. Things I never thought I'd write in a card: "Thank you for saving my life."

 

This is what 8 hours of deep brain surgery looks like - 30 sutures, a titanium plate, and titanium screws.

Fight like hell.

Ding Dong the Bitch Is Dead

THE BITCH TUMOR IS DEAD!!! Dr. Baskaya was able to remove ALL the pieces that were lighting up with the gadolinium on my MRI. The remaining "shadowy " pieces will be likely evicted through treatment.

All together, the surgery was about 8 hours plus 10 hours pre- and post-op. It was a very long day for N., our families,  and friends.

I got my surgical dressing off my head this morning and the one staple out. I have about 30 sutures along the back of my head. I'm totulally the bride of Frankenstein now.  I might actually be bionic now heh. Dr. Baskaya reattached my skull with a titanium plate and titanium screws, along with the bone.

I've been cleared from the NeuroICU and moved to the Neuro general floor, which means that I'm recovering well.

It's looking like I may be discharged in the next 2 or 3 days.

My neurosurgeon is a freaking genius.

Fight like hell.

‪

I'm Still Me

In case you were wondering, I'm still me! - Same 'ol badass KJ.

We could not have had a better surgeon. He's the shit. Seriously. One of the best in the world.

I am so thankful for him. I'm totally making him a card. Hehe :) I'm going to craft nerd this up.

Dr.  Baskaya was able to remove ALL of the areas of the tumors that are absorbing the radioactive dye during my MRIs. The active, agressive parts of the tumor are the pieces that absorb the dye during my MRIs.

All in all, I'm feeling really awesome.

Fight like hell.

Big Ass Brain Surgery

Feeling pretty damn good post ‪#‎bigassbrainsurgery‬ - ding dong the ‪#‎bitchtumor‬ is mostly dead! Dr. Baskaya is a genius! So glad we decided to go with ‪#‎UWHospital‬ this time. ‪#‎kkickstumorass‬ ‪#‎braintumortales‬ ‪#‎badassKJ‬ ‪#‎fightlikehell‬

Post-Surgery Update

Kaitlin just got out of surgery. We talked with her neurosurgeon who was very pleased with how the surgery went. It was an extremely long surgery that lasted nearly 8 hours. The surgeon told us that he felt he had taken a large amount of the tumor out safely, however we will have to wait for another MRI in the next 24 hours to confirm how much was removed. The MRI will also check for other possible complications however the surgeon was optimistic that she should wake up without major neurological problems. If the MRI shows that some of the tumor remains and it is in an easily accessible location, they may perform a second surgery in the coming days to remove more. We will just have to wait and see.

I have no doubt that Kaitlin's surgeon is the best. He is definitely a perfectionist and has always been honest and up front with us about her prognosis and the risks associated with this surgery. That being said it was a great relief when he talked to us post-surgery. He seemed incredibly pleased with how much he was able to removed and how the overall surgery went given the difficult location of her tumor.

I have not seen Kaitlin yet as she in still in recovery but hopefully we will be able to see her in the next few hours. Blogging is not my strong suit but I will try to post updates when I can and hopefully Kaitlin will be able to take over soon.

Thank you all so much for your continued support!!!

Nate

Surgery Day

After a very early morning Kaitlin is now in surgery. The surgeon told us that the length of surgery is dependent on a number of things so we are anticipating a long day of waiting. We have a number of family members waiting with us at the hospital and friends that are stopping by throughout the day. I would just like to say that the amount of support we have received from everyone has been incredible. It is truly humbling to see how much people care and it has helped Kaitlin and I immensely though this difficult time. Thank you all so much.

Nate

Hospital Bag

When I got admitted to the hospital on the 27th, I honestly did not think that would be my next hospital stay. I thought for sure that my next hospital admission would be when N. and I were ready to have a baby, and I was in labor.

Yesterday I packed a very different hospital bag with a Fight Like Hell shirt ... a bag that I never thought I'd have to pack again.

But, here we are on the way to the hospital to get admitted for my #bigassbrainsurgery ...

Some day, it will be different. Some day, I will pack that special hospital bag for the first time.

When I say fight like hell, this is one of the things for which I'm fighting - a future that I know we will have.

Fight like hell.

Packers Wives

Well, that was pretty awesome. Last night, I received several video well wishes from Packers players' wives! A friend called in a favor with her aunt that works for the Packers. Her aunt and the wives have asked to be kept updated with my surgery and recovery today.

I'm feeling pretty special and unbelievably loved.

Fight like hell.

Dinner

I got all prettied up one more time before the ‪#‎bigassbrainsurgery‬. We're having dinner with both sets of parents and most of the siblings ‪tonight.

Game On

New cut, new color, new Steamboat Springs shirt ... game on, Bitch Tumor!

Sassy Pants

Oh, I’m feeling awesome and sassy as hell today. I slept for 9 hours. NINE hours. Straight.  No getting up to pee. Just Sweet, sweet continuous sleep. I had a few errands to run, so today was my first test run at doing my new badass hair. I don’t think I did too badly, but I could use some practice still. I’d like it to be a little wilder a la Kristen Stewart. I’ll just be needing the lil smister to teach me this weekend. I’m really digging my new sassy lip color too.

My errand running today went off without a hitch [unlike yesterday]. I got a few items at a bead store to make a necklace that I saw on Etsy [listed for $25]. I looked in my craft room and found that I had 90% of the items needed to make it and bought the rest for $4. I win. :)

I also had to go to JoAnn to get some fabric for my mom and sister to make me some headbands/head wraps for after the #bigAssBrainSurgery. It was the most blissful Joann experience of my life – hardly anyone there, found exactly what I wanted, it was all on sale, I only waited in the cutting line for 5 minutes … and then I used four coupons at the checkout.

That is a craft errand FTW.

I made a stop at the chiropractor, as well. I know that since I'll be laying in a hospital bed for at least 5 days, i needed to get my lower back/hips in a happy place. I only had one neck vertebrae out of place, though, so I opted to play it safe and just let my neck be for now. [Neurology gave me the okay to have this done before surgery.]

And then I had a lovely starbucks iced latte with coconut milk on the way home.

Oh yes, it’s been a good day. I’ve got my sassiest pants on. I get to see my book club ladies, And my ARodg and the Packers will be on TV tonight.

Fight like hell.

Got a Lime in My Coconut

We met with my neurosurgeon Dr. Baskaya and his nurse practitioner this morning to go over surgery particulars and pre-op items. I also had my sutures removed from the ETV surgery last week.

#BigASSBrainSurgery is scheduled for the 18^th at 7:10 am. We will check-in at the hospital at 5:30 am, right as the surgery unit opens for the day. Surgery will last approximately 5-6 hours, depending on how much of the bitch tumor dr. baskaya is able to safely remove.  I will be in the neuro icu for at least a day, possibly all 5 days, but it will depend on how I’m recovering and if there is room/need for me on a general floor.

Dr. Baskaya will remove approximately a 5cm by 5cm piece of my skull for surgery. My skull will be reattached with titanium screws and possibly a plate or titanium mesh. From What I can determine from my latest mri report, the main bitch tumor is roughly the size of a lime [last time it was a small plum]. However, this time she brought friends that are trying to jump the bridge [corpus callosum] to the other hemisphere of my brain. Dr. Baskaya will try to remove as many of the friends as safely possible.

The goal of the surgery is to safely resect as much of the bitch tumor as possible. Any tissue removed will be sent to pathology to determine the best possible treatment route. Any bitch tumor tissue that dr. baskaya does not feel that he can safely remove will be left and later evicted by the chosen treatment method.

We are very confident in dr. baskaya’s abilities to safely remove a large portion of the bitch tumor and friends.

Fight like hell.

This Time

Since I have to do this bullshit again, these are the Things I’ve decided for this go round:

1. My hair on my terms – Last time was so demoralizing to watch waist length hair fall out. tomorrow I’m chopping my hair off shorter than i have ever had in my life. #shorthairdontcare bring on the new, badass kj.
• I’m going to be donating my hair in hopes that it’ll make it to a child cancer patient [see also: things that make me sob like a little girl]
2. I’m going to be comfortable – it’s summer, and I’m a really sweaty girl. That means it’s going to be elastic waistbands, sports bras, athletic clothes, etc. from here on out for my battle uniform.
3. I’m going to try to have a little fun along the way. The best way to fight evil is to be happy.

FIGHT LIKE HELL.

Colorado

There is much to be said for the clarity of mountain air. I am so glad we were able to take the time in Steamboat and Fort Collins. It really was exactly what we needed, to be together in our happy place.  

In Steamboat, we managed to do just about everything we love there – minus hiking. We’ll be back though, when the bitch tumor is dead, and we’re both able-bodied.  And then we will hike the crap out those beautiful mountains.

Of course, we ate our way through the city too. YUM. N. even surprised me with a make-up anniversary dinner at Café Diva [since i was sick and hallucinating on our actual anniversary]. The last time we were there was May 2013, an hour after he proposed.

It was also really great to be able to meet up with some old friends that we hadn’t seen in 6 or 7 years .

We took the long way from steamboat to Fort Collins, so that we could drive through rocky Mountain National Park and stop in Estes Park (another favorite of ours).  If you ever get the chance, we highly recommend smokin’ dave’s bbq (just like Famous Dave’s but better!).

I never want to leave when we’re in Fort Collins. There are so many awesome things there. Most importantly my best friend and her family are there. I was so happy to finally meet my “nephew” after 5 months.

While we’re always sad to leave Colorado, it was time to come home. In Colorado, everything still seemed surreal. And even now that we’re back, it still doesn’t seem completely real yet.

I suspect that after our appointment with the neurosurgeon tomorrow though, everything will be very clear, which is what we need. We are confident in our UW doctors and at peace with our decision to proceed with surgery as the phase I of our battle plan.

Fight like hell.

Battle Playlist

When I first heard Rachel Platten's "Fight Song," I thought it was a powerful song, but that I didn't really have anything to which to apply it, and I half-heartedly wished I had a use for the song.

... Fast forward a couple of weeks, and "Fight Song" is my main jam. 

It's funny how life works out.

Below is the rest of the K. Kicks Tumor Ass Playlist:

Name	Artist
With A Little Help From My Friends	Across The Universe Soundtrack
Cups [Pop Version]	Anna Kendrick
Cups (Movie Version)	Anna Kendrick
God Gave Me You	Blake Shelton
Calling You	Blue October
Fight Like A Girl	Bomshel
I Belong To You	Brandi Carlile
Wherever Is Your Heart	Brandi Carlile
I Will Not Bow	Breaking Benjamin
Stronger	Britney Spears
A Thousand Years, Pt. 2	Christina Perri (feat. Steve Kazee)
World Championship Finale 1	Das Sound Machine
Car Show	Das Sound Machine
Riff Off	Das Sound Machine, Tone Hangers, The Barden Bellas, Green Bay Packers & The Treblemakers
Jump	Das Sound Machine, Tone Hangers, The Treblemakers & Green Bay Packers
Titanium	David Guetta (feat. Sia)
Survivor	Destiny's Child
Hole in My Head	Dixie Chicks
All I Do Is Win	DJ Khaled (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross)
The Warrior's Code	Dropkick Murphys
Bright	Echosmith
Universal Fanfare	Elizabeth Banks & John Michael Higgins
The Monster	Eminem (feat. Rihanna)
Tell the World	Eric Hutchinson
Crazy Youngsters	Ester Dean
Since U Been Gone	Ester Dean & Skylar Astin
My Silver Lining	First Aid Kit
How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful	Florence + The Machine
Delilah	Florence + The Machine
Ship To Wreck	Florence + The Machine
Hey What's Going On	Four Non Blondes
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah	GB Leighton
How 'Bout Them Cowgirls	George Strait
Delirious	Grace Potter
Empty Heart	Grace Potter
Look What We've Become	Grace Potter
Alive Tonight	Grace Potter
Roulette	Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Ah Mary	Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Stop the Bus	Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Turntable	Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Never Go Back	Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Mastermind	Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
If I Was From Paris	Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
Bad Girls World	Halestorm
Dirty Work	Halestorm
Here's to Us	Halestorm
Open Season	High Highs
Jump Around	House of Pain
The Final Countdown	Hullabahoos
Blood	In This Moment
Closer to Fine	Indigo Girls
Time Machine	Ingrid Michaelson
Warpath	Ingrid Michaelson
Bobby McGee	Janis Joplin
Flashlight	Jessie J
Don't Stop Believing	Journey
Biscuits	Kacey Musgraves
Follow Your Arrow	Kacey Musgraves
Hallelujah	Kate Voegele
Sweet Silver Lining	Kate Voegele
Wild Child (with Grace Potter)	Kenny Chesney
Compass	Lady Antebellum
Fly	Maddie & Tae
Pitch Perfect 2 End Credit Medley	Mark Mothersbaugh
Ain't No Mountain High Enough	Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
Beat It (Single Version)	Michael Jackson
Party In The U.S.A.	Miley Cyrus
Gunpowder & Lead	Miranda Lambert
Little Red Wagon	Miranda Lambert
Mamas Broken Heart	Miranda Lambert
Somethin' Bad	Miranda Lambert (with Carrie Underwood)
Bang Bang	Nicki Minaj
War Song	O.A.R.
Never Let This Go	Paramore
Any Way You Want It	Pentatonix, The Filharmonic, The Castasticos, The Singboks & Penn Masala
So What	Pink
Hell On Heels	Pistol Annies
Fight Song	Rachel Platten
You Are the Best Thing	Ray LaMontagne
Fancy	Reba McIntyre
We Belong	Rebel Wilson & Adam DeVine
Ready To Fall	Rise Against
Give It All	Rise Against
Black Masks & Gasoline	Rise Against
Brave	Sara Bareilles
I Choose You	Sara Bareilles
I Could Not Ask For More	Sara Evans
I'm Lit	SHeDAISY
Never Surrender	Skillet
With Me	Sum41
Eye of the Tiger	Survivor
Shake It Off	Taylor Swift
Cups (When I'm Gone) [Campfire Version]	The Barden Bellas
Kennedy Center Performance	The Barden Bellas
Back to Basics	The Barden Bellas
Bellas Regionals	The Barden Bellas
World Championship Finale 2	The Barden Bellas
Bellas Finals	The Barden Bellas
Convention Performance	The Barden Bellas
Pool Mashup	The Barden Bellas
Party In the U.S.A.	The Barden Bellas
Riff Off	The Barden Bellas, The Treblemakers & The Bu Harmonics
This Is Why We Fight	The Decemberists
Blame It On the Boogie	The Footnotes
Heaven Knows	The Pretty Reckless
Follow Me Down	The Pretty Reckless
Fucked Up World	The Pretty Reckless
Paint the Town Green	The Script
Superheroes	The Script
F**k You	The Sockapellas
Let It Whip	The Treblemakers
Right Round	The Treblemakers (feat. My Name Is Kay)
Lollipop	The Treblemakers
Trebles Finals	The Treblemakers
Don't Stop the Music	The Treblemakers
Bitch Came Back	Theory Of A Deadman
Riot	Three Days Grace
Headstrong	Trapt
A Warrior's Call	Volbeat
Shut Up and Dance	WALK THE MOON
Hypnotic	Zella Day